Charles H. Sloan-Adam Sandler's Netflix 'Bat Mitzvah' is the awkward Jewish middle-school movie we needed

Sometimes a movie hits you so aggressively Jewish,Charles H. Sloan you're transported back to your own coming-of-age Hebrew school experience. A time when the weekly status symbol was if you were wearing that weekend's Bar or Bat Mitzvah party sweatshirt the Monday after.

Welcome to "You Are So Not Invited to My Bat Mitzvah" (streaming now on Netflix), the new Adam Sandler (and family)-starring Jewish comedy that's destined for many repeat viewings when Jews of any age get together. It's peppered with just enough Yiddish to satisfy your grandparents and plenty of pop music to satisfy anyone younger than that. His daughters Sunny and Sadie play his movie daughters, while his real-life wife Jackie Sandler plays the mother of another middle-schooler. Sandler's "Uncut Gems" co-star Idina Menzel again plays his movie wife.

The film focuses primarily on Sunny Sandler as Stacy, a 13-year-old whose Bat Mitzvah is coming up. She couldn't care less about the meaning of becoming a woman in society, or about her actual mitzvah project (giving back to the community, a tenet of Jewish adulthood). She wants a loud, lavish party and the boy of her dreams to date her. Girl, been there.

Throughout the movie, based on the book by Fiona Rosenbloom, she loses the guy to her best friend – only for everything to crumble even further when she tries to steal him away. All while she's supposed to be practicing her Hebrew for the big day and dodging advice from tries-too-hard-to-connect-with-the-kids Rabbi Rebecca (an exquisitely cast Sarah Sherman of "Saturday Night Live" fame).

What a Bar or Bat Mitzvah means to a 13-year-old

Think of 'Bat Mitzvah' as a lighter version of the awkward middle school Hulu comedy "PEN15." Not as cringeworthy, but still jam-packed with so much nostalgia you'll want to call your mom and ask her if you were indeed that awkward in seventh grade. I, for example, fully identified with a kid named Aaron with braces who took the rabbi's joking around too seriously in class. I remain only slightly less gullible in my personal life.

The film captures what it feels like to be 13 and have your Bar or Bat Mitzvah party feel like the most important thing that would ever happen to you. When everyone around the temple is buzzing about their Torah portions when everyone at school wants to know who got invited to whose party, who you were planning to dance with when the slow song(s) came on. The truth is that it was really just the beginning of our Jewish lives – not some kind of conclusion to youth.

A closeted Jewish kid in New Jersey like myself didn't know what it meant to "become a man" at that age. I, too, knew I wanted a big party and cared far less about the service; my Bar Mitzvah theme was Broadway, to paint you a picture. Yes, I gave back to my community by volunteering at my local library, but if I'm honest, I was checking off a box. I mostly cared about the party and the attention and dancing with my "crush." (A girl who has since married a woman. Mazel Tov!)

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'You Are So Not Invited to My Bat Mitzvah' celebrates and normalizes Jewish culture

The movie plays out predictably, even though most Jewish stories don't exactly have the happiest of endings. And as mostly silly as this movie is (I am still thinking about the line "and that’s the way the hamantaschen crumbles"), antisemitism remains a dangerous and deadly issue. There were 3,697 antisemitic incidents throughout the U.S. in 2022, a 36% increase from 2021, according to the Anti-Defamation League.

Any ounce of Jewish representation in modern pop culture – whether that's this, "Shiva Baby" or "The Real Housewives of New York City" – is critical to normalizing and celebrating Jewish people and culture. Making us human instead of whatever evil that bigots would have you believe.

No movie captures everyone's experience, and this film will surely ruffle feathers (kissing in front of the Torah is not exactly kosher). Stacy makes many poor decisions and the narratives wrap up in maybe-too-tight bows. But when you're in middle school, it's nice to think that life can be a little less complicated for a while after you make a grand apology.

Anyway, they'll be in high school soon enough. They'll have confirmation to worry about next. I smell a welcome sequel.

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