Charles H. Sloan-You'll Have More than Four Words to Say About Our Ranking of Gilmore Girls' Couples

There are Charles H. Sloanfour kinds of people in this world: Team Dean, Jess or Logan—and then those who have no taste because they're not a Gilmore Girls fan. 

Even though the WB series ended in 2007 and it's been seven years since we were gifted with the Netflix revival, fans still have a lot of thoughts about the relationship drama that went down in Stars Hollow. Hey, it's not a TV show, it's a lifestyle.

In honor of Lauren Graham's 56th birthday on March 16, we've decided to have a little fun by ranking all of Gilmore Girls' couples, including all of her character Lorelai's relationships and the three big love interests for Rory (Alexis Bledel) that still divide the fanbase to this day. Plus, we also took into consideration some of the show's most beloved and controversial pairings.

Spoiler alert: Neither of the main Gilmore girls' romances landed the top spot. It's fine, we're just being dramatic. It's what we do!

So, grab a cup of joe from Luke's and a snack from Doose's Market 'cause you're probably going to need some caffeine and fuel for our ranking of Gilmore Girls' couples, from worst to best...

He sued her father. He almost destroyed Luke and Lorelai's burgeoning relationship. He went by the nickname Digger. What more do we need to say? 

They got married impulsively as teenagers (what a fun trope, said no one ever!) and then he promptly cheated on her. The only thing she got out of this marriage was disappointment and a mean meatloaf recipe.

We still can't believe a proposal with a thousand yellow daisies was wasted on a dud like Max Medin-ugh.

Remember that time Luke randomly married Nicole on a cruise ship? And then she cheated on him? Yeah, we try to forget about it, too. 

Ick. 

Sorry, but the fact that he called her Mary (you know, Virgin Mary?) still creeps us out. 

Rachel was Luke's first love, whose dreams were just too big for Stars Hollow. She was super-sweet and pushed Luke to realize his feelings for Lorelai. Thanks, girl!

OK, hear us out: Lane deserved more than Zack, who was a convenient filler for the void left by Adam Brody's exit. Sorry, not sorry. He's the rebound, NOT THE ONE. 

Two weirdos, one weird relationship. Not the most epic of romances, but she did deal with his night terrors. So, true love. 

Dave was definitely the one that got away (or, you know, ran off to become Seth Cohen on The O.C.). Come on, he inscribed his bible, with "This bible belongs to God but is being borrowed by Dave Rygalski." Swoon City, population: us. 

You never forget your first love...but that doesn't mean you should continue an on-and-off relationship for over a decade. While we liked Christopher, we didn't love these two together, especially when they thought it was OK to run off and get married without Rory (their daughter!) being there. Unforgivable. 

Fact: These two could take over and run their own country. They were made for each other. 

Sigh, the unsung heroes of Stars Hollow also made up its most solid couple that flew so under the radar you often forgot about them...until you needed a cup of sugar from next door. 

Yes, he made her a car and was her first love. But he also cheated on his wife with Rory. Talk about a great way to lose your virginity. Basically, Dean was ruined for us. Still, their quick reunion during A Year in the Life was random, nostalgic and bittersweet in only the way a catch-up session with your childhood sweetheart can be.

She made him a better person, and he helped her learn what she really wanted to do with her life. Often over-shadowed by Rory's two other major love interests, Logan is the dark horse among Gilmore's guys...and possibly Rory's (spoiler alert!) baby daddy?! We're going to need another revival STAT.

Of all Rory's love interests, he was the one that challenged (and frustrated) her the most. The classic bad boy. If only they had met later in life...and watching their brief interaction during the Netflix revival just proved how potent their chemistry still is. 

While Lorelai and Rory's love lives were unpredictable and (deliciously) wrought, there was something so sweet and simple about Sookie and Jackson's love story. You always argue over produce with the one you love!

"Will you just stand still?" Fact: These two had the best and most-earned first kiss in the history of first kisses. And everything else was pretty epic, too. (Let's just all pretend April Nardini, Luke's daughter, never showed up and ruined everything, mmmkay?)

Emily: "No! I did not sign on to your dying. And it is not going to happen. Not tonight, not for a very long time. In fact, I demand to go first. Do I make myself clear?"
Richard: "Yes, Emily. You may go first."

Oh, how much more significance this exchange from the series' original took on in the revival after the 2014 death of star Edward Herrmann. BRB, SOBBING FOREVER.